Coaching Journey of Ritesh

The journey of my client would certainly find an echo with professionals who might sense a struggle at mid-40s, a transition stage for him, as much as for them. Struggle to be satisfactorily engaged at work, looking to do bigger things held back by organization realities,longing to get into a role which satisfies his urges and aspirations.

My client, Ritesh (name changed), too had similar conflicts which were compounded by the feedback, from seniors. Feedback asserting that he needs to develop his executive presence which was perceived as a mandatory characteristic to reach the next level of leadership.With compensations and bonuses all growing, executive presence as an area of improvement became his professional priority. Ritesh, being a reader looked up researches and contents and really understood what goes into establishing executive presence. The more he read the more he became aware of his current situation and the journey he needs to make. It overwhelmed him.

Feedback and more feedback but not an iota of guidance towards specific actions to be taken can be quite exasperating. As professionals when we seek and get feedback, attributing it to motives and thinking that person has no understanding of my situation, we tend to ignore it at our own peril.

Ambitious, a tad unclear but aware of the process of executive coaching, he wanted to improve. Ritesh decided to go ahead and hire a coach. “Perhaps, this was one of the best decisions of my life”, he later said. “Having read that coaching has the best ROI, thought of experiencing it on my own. My coach helped me get more clarity for considering options, where I could seek happiness beyond just a role. While the tools you implement are designed to help one head in towards the right direction, the real key to achieving your goals is sticking to them. My coach helped me with that and I did not end up “falling off the wagon”. The end result of my coaching engagement was that I was shortlisted, internally in my company, to be moved to next level. I even had a dream job offer from a much desired industry and sector.”

So what had really happened to achieve what I had?

In my first session with coach, I desired to take on a goal to build my executive presence. I felt how one can even measure such aspects. But then, this became my first learning. We could. My coach encouraged me to think and I went ahead to seek feedback from my seniors / peers and team members in the specific area of communication. It was not easy for me to suggest myself this to coach. But then, the best thing about the coach is that he makes you think and confront your own fears and thoughts. I was perhaps over confident in assessing my ability to be always better than the others and thus blocking myself to feedback and its benefits. I realized that just the awareness that only measurement will help me know, comforted me.

I ventured out to take feedback in areas identified by me as having a bearing on my executive presence. My coach helped me understand that constructing confidence will eventually lead to self-improvement if we begin to being responsible for who we are, what we are, what we have and what we accomplish. It’s like a flame that ought to gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out.

Well, in my subsequent sessions, I was focused and positive. There were amazing new learning’s when I took actions to explain to my stakeholders the reason for seeking feedback. I was surprised that each one was forthcoming with specific inputs.

You should drop in sometime for just a cup of tea.

You must accompany us for lunches & dinners as a team.

You must talk things beyond work and meetings too.

You must smile more often.

You must provide us inputs and feedback on time.

These and many more. I always thought that I was a focused professional. I recall telling my coach that my each minute at office is planned, it is either a meeting or a teleconference and I get a great kick at end of day just by my sheer focus and ability to complete my “to do” list and action items.

My coach, by throwing leading questions made me to think how to achieve a point in life when we’re ready for a change and a whole bunch of data that will help us unlock our confidence.

So what really changed within me? Through the three months of the journey with my coach I discovered my passion, understood my values, my needs, observed my strengths and devised means towards my growth.

Some of the moments, moments of silence stayed with Ritesh. Like the time when the coach asked him “How do you handle failure”. This question came from nowhere to him, in a conversation where Ritesh was sharing how he looks at new initiatives and projects within the company he works.

He admitted candidly to his coach. “I just cannot handle failure. Therefore I tend to avoid taking on projects which in my view may not work. Even when I fail, I rationalise and put out the blame on others / environment”. While he answered the question, he became aware of this thought better. This was the turning point. Ritesh was able to visualize a new success, a new outcome when he connected the dots.

Ritesh was keen and willing to experiment. He tried learning making “small talks”. He picked up an auto driver, the liftman, shop cashier, housekeeping staff to practice “small talks”. Why did he do this? He had branded himself an introvert. All his thoughts because of that made him think and act accordingly. Even so that in professional settings, he hardly made an effort to talk beyond work. This created an impression amongst his seniors and peers, which to say, did not go well with his interests.

“I am introvert”, Coach.

How does it feel to be an introvert?

I do not enjoy it. I sometimes feel unhappy even.

What is the data you have to say you are introvert?

A Long silence, and then he said, “Coach, in my college days and even later, I was not an introvert. I was very outgoing, talking and communicating openly and was able to build casual relationships too.”

How have you reached this conclusion about yourself, here?

Coach, I would like to share that in my last 7 years in this organization, I have felt out of place. The organization and the vibe in this company made me think that professionals around me are just faffing around and have no depth. So I never felt the need to connect with them. Secondly I believed that I can do better than anyone in my peers and subordinates. All this contributed to my staying within myself and  perhaps I started believing that I am an introvert.

All these thoughts made me stay within me and hence I found it challenging to make even a small talk with people, colleagues. That was when I experimented with small conversations with cashiers at malls, auto drivers, lift man, housekeeping staff. I finally reached a point where I am now comfortable making these casual talks at work place and it has been noticed by everyone around.

The new behaviours at work place were noticed and acknowledged and that resulted in me being considered internally for next level. The confidence had shot up for me and when I sought opportunities outside, I ended up with dream job offers.

At the end of the coaching engagement, when asked what percentage of goal achievement you have reached, Ritesh said 90% and hastily added, it will be 100% either after completing internal process for next level and / or accepting the job offer.

Ritesh did 100% , when we last talked few days back.

Mr Entrepreneur , You are the competitive advantage !

I had an opportunity to participate in a session & learn from an experienced HR leader on the subject of “Training & Retention in Small & Medium Enterprises”. The audience comprised of entrepreneurs of start- ups and steady state medium sized enterprises in Hyderabad, India.


Apart from speaker, the nature of questions and information sharing amongst the entrepreneur audience was of immense value & brought new insights for me.  I share some of these and more.


Similar to any career, entrepreneurial endeavors are a journey. Entrepreneurs really measure their success or failure at the end, not at the milestones. Like corporate leadership, entrepreneurs also pursue a very lonely path. It is also akin to individual sport where you are practicing alone to be the best among the best and yet you do not know what best is your competitor preparing for. Tiger Woods, Venus Williams besides being world class athletes, what do they all have in common? They all have a coach. If world class athletes have coaches, why wouldn’t it be appropriate for those in the business world to avail of coaching?

The issue of coaching is interesting and especially valuable in the context of business. My premise is simple: coaching, properly defined and applied, is a competitive if not essential advantage, especially for those in the small & medium business environment.

The coach serves as an external “conscience,” holding the entrepreneur accountable to execute those things standing between him or her and self-actualization, realizing full potential as a person“ the focus is to help the client thrive in professional life and maximize effectiveness in the workplace.”

A coach’s role is focused on helping to develop or increase skills that make the person more effective in a given job. This includes balancing and integrating personal and professional attributes and considerations, but the focus is to help the client thrive in professional life and maximize effectiveness in the workplace (everything from internal meetings to partner negotiations).

Why Entrepreneurs Need Coaching:

Whoever coined the phrase “It’s lonely at the top” must have had the entrepreneur in mind. It doesn’t get any lonelier. Entrepreneurs, as individuals, are the business in many cases. They have direct reports, family, maybe even a board; but there is no “organization” to hire a coach if they need additional resources, or even to require or suggest benefits from coaching.

They face the same issue as the “corporate” CEO; however, the entrepreneur often doesn’t have access to the same resources. I have found most of the successful entrepreneurs that I have worked with or known to have a number of characteristics in common; they are visionary, driven to the point of obsession, have a high need for control, and in business dealings these entrepreneurs may tend to be more loners. They have built the business from the ground up, they made the decisions and founded the key relationships often alone.

Skills like delegation, collaboration, and process management don’t come naturally to entrepreneurs. I have seen them struggle with issues such as delegation, staff selection, succession planning, and team or collaborative -based decision -making. They will seek advice from technical advisers such as accountants, attorneys, but many of the business skills learned in corporate world aren’t part of an entrepreneur’s experiential base. Bluntly, many of the “technical” advisers have limited experience outside of their core competency areas.

‘It’s lonely at the top.’

As businesses move forward and evolve, an entrepreneur will find that it’s critical to do several things:

- Co-relate “human” processes and business results.


- Develop and strengthen relationships with the “team”, including succession planning for oneself and other key staff.


- Articulate personal mission and vision, especially as the business grows



- Create opportunities for staff to discuss their needs and opportunities for development

I also believe that in smaller or closely held businesses, some of the issues targeted by executive coaches are even more critical. In the small organization every hire is a key hire, every decision is a key decision. A significant erroneous business decision doesn’t mean I don’t get my “bonus,” it means I might lose my life savings and my home.

A few significant statistics support the value of coaching:

· A return –on -investment study from Fortune 1000 companies showed an average of a 600% return on the dollars they invested in executive coaching. They saw specific improvements in productivity, quality, organizational strength, and customer satisfaction.

· Another study showed a 529% ROI directly attributable to coaching and other intangible benefits.


I believe these are the kind of numbers that get anyone attention ! . Here is the business case for entrepreneurs & it also makes you feel a lot less lonelier at the top too !

Coaching the Teens !

All caring parents want their children to grow up to be happy and successful adults.

Daughters who become good, strong women.

Sons who become good, strong men.

But making this happen is a Herculean task.

There was an article recently carried in Times of India , Mumbai Edition , dated 13th Nov 13 , “Need parenting help , call a coach”. When I went through the article I was reminded of a chat with a young kid, son of my friend, few months back. I carried out this conversation, which is typically of 10-15 minutes duration, in a coaching structure. What exactly is a coaching structure? Coaching is defined as “facilitate positive change through improved thinking”. Coaching is not about giving advice or solutions but about helping the person develop insights & then bring about new thinking and actions to achieve  results.

Well, as a parent (me included) we tend to believe that our children need answers, solutions and we go about “telling” our children what to do and how to do. Parents, generally, do not engage in a dialogue to understand them, understand their thinking process. This could be for a host of reasons. Parents believe that their own experience can be useful, that the child needs to be protected, and that they are just “kids”.

Well coming back to the article in Times of India, the writer talks about how there are these times when the parents need to learn the art of coaching & derive lessons on parenting. For the interested & initiated, I am reproducing the Face Book Chat conversation that I had with a teenager (17yrs). While reading through , I would like readers to carefully notice the response of the Teenager.

Coaching Conversation

Hello Uncle, How are you?

I am good, how about you?

I am good, thank you! Just struggling with studies these days?

Could you talk more about it?

That is the question of the hour. You please give me some tips to handle this struggle?

What is the question?

That, how can I overcome this struggle?

Question is "what is the struggle" you are facing.

Not able to concentrate on studies.

Which areas of studies you would like to improve your concentration?

You mean the subjects?

Yes, the subjects and topics within subjects.

Economics and Business.

What do you want to change about the way you understand these subjects?

No, I want to improve the duration of the self-study time of these subjects. I understand the subjects very easily.

So, your struggle is time and not concentration. Good, how do you schedule your day?

Well I have made a schedule.

Wonderful, so when you follow your schedule, how does it make you feel?

It makes me feel good and in control. I feel I will be highly successful.

Great, shall we discuss further on how you can work towards it.

Yes.

Thanks, would you share how you fare on your schedule?

Yes! I am trying, trying to follow it.

What could you do to ensure that you follow your schedule 100%?

Control Phone, TV& Friends

Who can help you to control TV, Friends & Phone?

No one,except me. I have to control it myself

Great, what all you can you do to manage your schedule and time better?

I guess my schedule is okay. I have to start saying no to the little things in life now to achieve big things. So the fault lies within me

Beautiful, No fault , you have realization now.

Yes, Thanks for making me realize it

So, what actions will you take now?

Will switch off the phone will studying?

Great, what else?

You tell me?

 

In your sport, is there any learning which you can apply when you are studying in concentration?

Well my sport requires great perfection & precision. So, yes that I can apply in my day to day working.

These 2; perfection and precision. How and what do you do to achieve them?

Practice hard and sometimes meditate.

How do you ensure you adhere to practice time?

By waking up early in the morning. I wake up at 5 whenever I have to practice.

So do u think it can work for you by applying this learning here

Yes I do. Thank a lot for telling this will really help me

So what action will you take now to ensure you are concentrated on studies

So now I am going to get up at 5. At 5 there are no distractions and secondly I am going to switch off my mobile phone while studying and thirdly I going to strictly follow my time table

What else can you do to ensure strict timetable adherence

I can ask my mother to keep a check on me

Great!

Thanks a lot for your guidance

Great let me know if you want to talk about same, 10-15 days from now after implementing the action.

Sure , I will.

In this conversation as you see my role was to guide him with my questions into finding his own way towards succeeding in achieving his goal. A similar issue handled by / as a parent could have meant that the child on raising the issue would have been “told” that he should get up early & switch off mobiles.

The conversation I had with the teenager differentiates itself just by the fact that all answers and solutions came from the child. There is a high probability of his achieving the outcome, as all actions came from his own thinking after the realisation that “he could think and do it all by himself”.

The secret is that no matter how hard it might be, parents need to start all interactions with their children with understandings and patience, even if you don't fully agree or even quite comprehend what they're talking about. We also need to take the emotionality out of the equation. Emotion is an obstacle 

when you're trying to get through to your teen. Remind yourself that what he says and does is not a reflection on you.

We do not want our kids to give up and quit when they face challenges. Focus on the behavior, and don't tag them with a label. Instead it's better to ask pointed questions to bring your child to a specific solution. Don't ask loaded questions that put your teen on the defensive like, "why can't you get up on time? What's wrong with you?" Instead, opening the conversation with, "Do you have any ideas for how you might get up on time?" If he can't think of any, suggest some options and let him chose what works best for him. Let him have the confidence that you believe in him and that you are not mad at him for struggling in his life. When you let him see the faith in his abilities and he has the space to work things out on his own, you will begin to develop true confidence in him.

The trick lies in guiding them to find their own calling. With teens, I think it’s best to remind them of things they themselves have said. To a certain degree, you’re allowing them to co–author certain things.

Coaches can help parents in developing skills to have “meaningful conversations” with their children. Coaches are available to have meaningful conversations with children to resolve their dilemmas and help them through challenges in any part of their lives. 

So as a parent, I think it’s important to know what your kid’s dilemmas and goals are. There is an opportunity here for child to understand himself better. Use these situations and dilemmas, because then you can use that as a tool to motivate them.

Happy coaching your kids.