Coaching Journey of Ritesh

The journey of my client would certainly find an echo with professionals who might sense a struggle at mid-40s, a transition stage for him, as much as for them. Struggle to be satisfactorily engaged at work, looking to do bigger things held back by organization realities,longing to get into a role which satisfies his urges and aspirations.

My client, Ritesh (name changed), too had similar conflicts which were compounded by the feedback, from seniors. Feedback asserting that he needs to develop his executive presence which was perceived as a mandatory characteristic to reach the next level of leadership.With compensations and bonuses all growing, executive presence as an area of improvement became his professional priority. Ritesh, being a reader looked up researches and contents and really understood what goes into establishing executive presence. The more he read the more he became aware of his current situation and the journey he needs to make. It overwhelmed him.

Feedback and more feedback but not an iota of guidance towards specific actions to be taken can be quite exasperating. As professionals when we seek and get feedback, attributing it to motives and thinking that person has no understanding of my situation, we tend to ignore it at our own peril.

Ambitious, a tad unclear but aware of the process of executive coaching, he wanted to improve. Ritesh decided to go ahead and hire a coach. “Perhaps, this was one of the best decisions of my life”, he later said. “Having read that coaching has the best ROI, thought of experiencing it on my own. My coach helped me get more clarity for considering options, where I could seek happiness beyond just a role. While the tools you implement are designed to help one head in towards the right direction, the real key to achieving your goals is sticking to them. My coach helped me with that and I did not end up “falling off the wagon”. The end result of my coaching engagement was that I was shortlisted, internally in my company, to be moved to next level. I even had a dream job offer from a much desired industry and sector.”

So what had really happened to achieve what I had?

In my first session with coach, I desired to take on a goal to build my executive presence. I felt how one can even measure such aspects. But then, this became my first learning. We could. My coach encouraged me to think and I went ahead to seek feedback from my seniors / peers and team members in the specific area of communication. It was not easy for me to suggest myself this to coach. But then, the best thing about the coach is that he makes you think and confront your own fears and thoughts. I was perhaps over confident in assessing my ability to be always better than the others and thus blocking myself to feedback and its benefits. I realized that just the awareness that only measurement will help me know, comforted me.

I ventured out to take feedback in areas identified by me as having a bearing on my executive presence. My coach helped me understand that constructing confidence will eventually lead to self-improvement if we begin to being responsible for who we are, what we are, what we have and what we accomplish. It’s like a flame that ought to gradually spread like a brush fire from inside and out.

Well, in my subsequent sessions, I was focused and positive. There were amazing new learning’s when I took actions to explain to my stakeholders the reason for seeking feedback. I was surprised that each one was forthcoming with specific inputs.

You should drop in sometime for just a cup of tea.

You must accompany us for lunches & dinners as a team.

You must talk things beyond work and meetings too.

You must smile more often.

You must provide us inputs and feedback on time.

These and many more. I always thought that I was a focused professional. I recall telling my coach that my each minute at office is planned, it is either a meeting or a teleconference and I get a great kick at end of day just by my sheer focus and ability to complete my “to do” list and action items.

My coach, by throwing leading questions made me to think how to achieve a point in life when we’re ready for a change and a whole bunch of data that will help us unlock our confidence.

So what really changed within me? Through the three months of the journey with my coach I discovered my passion, understood my values, my needs, observed my strengths and devised means towards my growth.

Some of the moments, moments of silence stayed with Ritesh. Like the time when the coach asked him “How do you handle failure”. This question came from nowhere to him, in a conversation where Ritesh was sharing how he looks at new initiatives and projects within the company he works.

He admitted candidly to his coach. “I just cannot handle failure. Therefore I tend to avoid taking on projects which in my view may not work. Even when I fail, I rationalise and put out the blame on others / environment”. While he answered the question, he became aware of this thought better. This was the turning point. Ritesh was able to visualize a new success, a new outcome when he connected the dots.

Ritesh was keen and willing to experiment. He tried learning making “small talks”. He picked up an auto driver, the liftman, shop cashier, housekeeping staff to practice “small talks”. Why did he do this? He had branded himself an introvert. All his thoughts because of that made him think and act accordingly. Even so that in professional settings, he hardly made an effort to talk beyond work. This created an impression amongst his seniors and peers, which to say, did not go well with his interests.

“I am introvert”, Coach.

How does it feel to be an introvert?

I do not enjoy it. I sometimes feel unhappy even.

What is the data you have to say you are introvert?

A Long silence, and then he said, “Coach, in my college days and even later, I was not an introvert. I was very outgoing, talking and communicating openly and was able to build casual relationships too.”

How have you reached this conclusion about yourself, here?

Coach, I would like to share that in my last 7 years in this organization, I have felt out of place. The organization and the vibe in this company made me think that professionals around me are just faffing around and have no depth. So I never felt the need to connect with them. Secondly I believed that I can do better than anyone in my peers and subordinates. All this contributed to my staying within myself and  perhaps I started believing that I am an introvert.

All these thoughts made me stay within me and hence I found it challenging to make even a small talk with people, colleagues. That was when I experimented with small conversations with cashiers at malls, auto drivers, lift man, housekeeping staff. I finally reached a point where I am now comfortable making these casual talks at work place and it has been noticed by everyone around.

The new behaviours at work place were noticed and acknowledged and that resulted in me being considered internally for next level. The confidence had shot up for me and when I sought opportunities outside, I ended up with dream job offers.

At the end of the coaching engagement, when asked what percentage of goal achievement you have reached, Ritesh said 90% and hastily added, it will be 100% either after completing internal process for next level and / or accepting the job offer.

Ritesh did 100% , when we last talked few days back.