Give yourself credit

We all tend to be hard on ourselves. We create results, we accomplish. Yet we believe there was nothing exemplary about it. The less we reward ourselves, the more stress we create on accomplishing something different, something dramatic. The stress impacts our ability to think, unless we learn to handle it creatively. Most of us are not at our best creatively with new ideas, when we are under stress.

In coaching assignments, as we work towards the goals, actions agreed are reviewed with the coachee. In doing so we seek from coachee the feelings and learning’s these actions throw up.

In one of my coaching assignment, I observed that there was not enough energy & excitement with my coachee, a young man in mid 20s. (Son of the promoter of company). As a coach I brought up my observation, with his permission, and sought his feedback. He surprised me. He told me that he suffers from low self-esteem. I must add here that a coach builds trust with his coachee which makes him comfortable to share almost everything. I asked him to tell me about the time or event which made him feel proud, something he had accomplished.

At first he thought hard but could not come up with anything. I kept pushing & persuading him. He almost apologetically shared that he had few years back lost 5 kgs through a disciplined fitness regime. He enquired whether it could be considered an accomplishment. “Yes! That’s quite an accomplishment.”

He had a surprise look on his face. He never thought of it that way. No one ever told him that. He never thought that it was actually a big deal. He said “ I just decided one day that I must get into this “Diesel” brand of Jeans. So for that purpose I started walk and gym and shed these extra kilos which helped me reduce around my waist to fit into my jeans”. He did mention, at home, no one really noticed it as an accomplishment. He was reminded of a remark by his father that this weight loss was something due to his eating habits & it was more a correction.

As his coach I again reminded him that it was the effort, the action & the discipline which was exemplary. It made him smile. I appreciated him and asked him to go and ask  people who struggle with their weight and even knowing what to do are not able to get into a regime and correct their weight / fitness.

My Coachee smiled & shared few more examples of what he has done so far. Believe you me all his examples were accomplishment and needed appreciation and reward. He perhaps never bothered to share with anyone close for fear of it being seen as bragging. Perhaps he shared and was told it is no big deal. Perhaps he was told you have done well, but we expected more.

Well you can imagine when we met next and reviewed his actions, his energy levels were infectious. He was smiling all through. Thinking freely. He was committing more, he was stretching more. I felt great for him. That’s where a coachee should be to accomplish his goals

We can address such issues quite early in life as parents for our kids. We as parents could be hard on our teenage kids. We all are good intentioned parents, we want them to do better. As parents we must celebrate and reward the efforts of our kids. It helps build their self-esteem which transforms their thinking and their ability to work out things in mind and then execute. The key is to find them doing things that they feel good about, and give them credit.

What each of us do has value. Do not forget to give yourself credit too. Don’t be hard on yourself. Reward & Celebrate.