Mother

My Mother is 83 now. Struggling with Cancer,back problem,bed ridden,aided by nurses for her basic needs. She religiously takes all the medicines that my brothers/sister in laws motivate her to take. She has been through hell past 5 months.She wants to get up and move around without any help.She doesn't like any bit of it. She doesn't respond as enthusiastically to positive, motivational talks by her sons & Daughter in laws.

She was never like this. She was never the one to cow down. She had lived her life working hard and working for well of others.

I am reminded of a summer holiday , as a 10-11 year old way back in 70s. I was sitting on a chair and she across me.I don't remember how but, she started sharing the experiences of her migrating to India in the tragic partition of 1947, alongwith her sisters. I kept listening with awe,surprise and horror. The travails of 3 sisters , my mother being youngest at 20 / 21 , boarding the train from Pakistan to India and the help she got from Muslim friends. She was told by the Muslim Station Master, that being under instructions, he has to open firing on people when train stops at the station. He said he will do so, in air, & that the 3 sisters should run and board the train, irrespective. They ran barefoot across fields leaving behind all possessions they ever had.

That was my first lesson on history.

That was also the day I had an impression about my mother. She is strong & Brave.She never saw her father again.

Circa 1989 , in Meerut (UP) was on a rickshaw ( manual) with my mother.Felt very embarrassed and told her next time when she travels with me , it would in car only. Circa 91 bought my own car and was driving her mostly between Noida and Meerut. She reminded me of my resolve / promise to her, which I had almost forgotten.

That was my first lesson in Mother's pride.

That was also the day I had an impression about my mother. She will always make you look and feel better.

It was an awesome day for my mother , sometime in 1981 / 1982 .A Day when her eldest son , my brother, was starting his life as a businessman .She was all decked up and applied nail polish. I noticed it for the first time. I was all of 16/17 then. Later in the evening I told her never to apply nail polish ever again, as that makes her look like so many other women. She felt odd but smiled.

That was my first lesson on beauty.Beauty of a mother is unique & special.

That was also the day I learnt that all mothers are beautiful. They are unique. Each one of them. They should always stay that way , is the wish and hope of the children. Mothers must be preserved.

My mother married quite late.She was almost 27 years. Quite late , in India of 50s. Intrigued I asked her. The story that she shared made me think. She was there helping her eldest sister, a widowed women, help her raise her young kids , while the sister , a trained nurse, earned the bread to feed a large family. That was more critical than being married.

That was my lesson on Sacrifice.

That day I also learned that being self less is not easy. But Mothers do it effortlessly. It is second nature to them.

There is so much to write and share. Nothing can be enough for mothers. Any mother.

I was tempted to title this blog with my mothers name. I did not do so. I believe with some changes of dates and events , this could very well be the story of any mother in this world, as told by her children.

I live away , so I call her up and talk every week , atleast. She would never say anything about her health or physical condition unless asked. At end of the call she would say " Jeende Raho, Lambi Umra'n". How I wish each child can wish and say the same to their old and ailing mothers. Perhaps it is not customary. I am sure though a prayer in heart is as powerful. I know for sure God above us knows the heart of each child and is doing his best under the circumstances.

I am fortunate to have this lady as my mother. Literally. She told me long time back that she had planned to abort me. I was the third child. She changed her mind. What, If she had not changed her mind. I would not have known this beautiful & wonderful human being. My Mother.Thank you.

Usha Didi

There are inspiring stories around us. Do we even notice? The learnings from these, if we bother to understand, are quite profound. I think we are basically lazy as we want these stories to come to us. The person has to be famous for us to believe the story & get inspired.

Look around for an inspiration you will have one. I did recently. I must admit though that I was also lazy all these past 25 years.

My great learning got revisited when I met “Usha Didi” few days back at my parents place. My earliest memories of Usha Didi is when I was just 12-13 year old in Meerut, a small, sleepy (then) town in Western UP. I was too young to understand then. Later I left the city when I was 20 and hence was not privy to developments in her family & life.

Usha Didi is an illiterate lady, who had to fend for her 4 kids and a disinterested husband. The kids were all less than 5-6 years age. In the last 25-30 years, she has raised them, educated them, married them off and now lives independently a retired life with her two sons who live next door to her.

You must be wondering what is so unique in this. Let me share.

Usha Didi lived and survived by being a domestic help in houses in the vicinity including mine. She used to mop floors and clean utensils for a living. She ran her household on the meager amount. She has raised her two sons who have now grown to be business person working together. Both her daughters are educated, married , working and doing very well.

I met her few days back. Rather she came to meet me when she heard I am there. Smiling. I noticed now in that old face were two eyes “twinkling”. No worries look & fit as ever. Amazing self esteem. Pride in her children’s progress when she shared all what is happening in her children’s life.

I as ked her on how does it feel after all these years of hard, manual work. She only said I only wanted my children to have a better life than me. I have been able to do that. That makes it worth-while.

Who was her source of inspiration? Did she read books on positive thinking? Who told her about responsible parenting? How did she guide her children? She could not afford TV.
Being illiterate no reading of books, magazines and self help articles.

So I reflected on my way back from Meerut to Hyderabad – a good 6 hours of road and air travel. I recalled some incidents & carefully analysed various random incidents she shared and have to come to some conclusions. That is when I decided to write this blog.

She had aspirations. Aspirations were the motivation for her. Better Life.
She was realistic. Influenced her son to marry a working girl.
She was also good to spot talent. Got great Grooms for both her daughters.
She knew importance of networking. She is still in touch with families where she worked.
She read the environment. Knew importance of education.
She encouraged her kids to feel equal to anybody. The kids have grown up with lot of self esteem and confidence.
There are millions of stories and people around us which we tend to overlook. Because of what? Our learning disability.
Usha Didi is still smiling without knowing that her life has inspired this blog.
Usha Didi still cannot read.
She will never read this article. Perhaps one day when I meet her next I will explain to her what I wrote and why I wrote it.
Do you think she will understand. You guessed it right.

Weekends are for NOTHING

Of late , I have been very regular on Facebook , ( only on Fridays Mornings) and post an interesting & funny update on Importance of weekend exhorting my friends to use it as a depleting resource and make most of it. The most profound impact has been on me , myself. It is almost 12 weeks that I have posted update on Weekends and since then I believe I have been able to do much better in terms of - slow down , relax , chill , take it easy , family etc.

I do almost the same things as I used to do earlier on weekends , but it seems that now I like them more. These two days move at a magical , relaxing pace.

I have also noticed that the depressing feeling on sunday evenings , is not there anymore.The usual feeling of Monday, on Sunday evening, has gone away . On reflection I guess it has to do with how I have started managing and dealing my weekend. It is therefore nothing to do with Monday Blues but more to do with how we have lived through the weekend.

I have done enough preamble so let me now share somethings that I have done ..the HOW

1.First and foremost I have stopped creating a personal " To Do list" for weekend .Not alone not with family. I would rather let it flow out over breakfasts and lunch with family on saturdays.
2.I am never in a hurry to end something I am doing , just because I have to start another thing. There are no time tables.
3.I do not reject any thoughts that come first to my mind now on weekends , on what should I be doing next. If it means , leaving a book I am reading , just because I have seen that dining chairs would do with some cleaning, so be it. I am off with cleaning chairs next 30-40 minutes.
4.Taking small naps anytime of the day , has become my signature now.
5.We go out when we are ready, rather than get ready by agreed time. I dont insist anymore on my family to be punctual on agreed time , to be ready to go out. So we go out when we are ready.

Weekends are for doing nothing. I am on my way to achieve whatever perfection is possible to achieve" nothingness". I am not sure where I have reached on this journey. But I am enjoying it. Join me in celebrating and providing the " Weekends" the respect that they so richly deserve.

Remember GOD created teh weekends. Respect GOD , respect Weekends.